Monday, January 23, 2012

Getting What You Want... Wait, Actually??

The problem with life is that sometimes you don't get what you want.

But everyone knows that.

Sometimes, when people want something, it is assumed that it is "too good to be true", and it gets taken away. People just subconsciously expect it. It stinks, but I don't think that that's the REAL issue here.

The actual problem with life is that sometimes you get exactly what you want, and you can't believe it.

It's like "Wait, what?"

I am extremely religious. I believe in a loving God, Who knows me as an individual and knows what's best for me. He loves me. I am His daughter. He wants me to return to live with Him. I try to live my life according to His guidance for me, given through prophets and personal revelation. When I'm making a major decision, I work it out in my head or I talk it through aloud,  and when I come to my conclusion, I pray about it. When something's wrong, I'll know. I feel sick to my stomach, and I get confused and angsty about everything. I can't make up my mind. When something's right, however, I feel confident about my choice, and sometimes I'll get a strong positive feeling.

I have a situation that I've prayed about. It's one that seems to go against every sensible thought in me. It is totally something that I would otherwise think of as childish and unlikely of leading to much positive in the long-run. BUT. I want it REEEEALLY badly. I want this to work. Like I said, I've prayed about it often. It's been something that I would assume would be a "Forget about it. You know that it's not good for you right now" kind of answer, just because generally, that's the answer for this. But I keep getting "You're fine. This is good. You are supposed to pursue this." I kind of can't believe it. Now, I don't want to keep asking, because eventually God will be all "FINE! I'll take it from you if that's what you want." But I HAVE to be sure this is right. I don't want to confuse my desire for this with the Spirit confirming it for me. Still, I am getting more and more confident every day. I am being to realize that, yes, this is for me. It's pretty intense.

It got me thinking though. The attitude we approach Heavenly Father with when we ask for instruction is essential to the answer we receive. I was going into this looking for the "no" answer. I thought it was "too good to be true," "It happens to people, but not me. I mean, why would it? I'm not special," "This goes against my plans!" (I think the last one was a biggie. I have my plans, and why would anything stray from MY MASTER PLAN?! Oh wait, because it's God, and He's God. He knows everything.) I guess when we want things so badly, but we are willing to give them up if that is what is best for everyone allows us to be more perceptive than we otherwise would be. Example of me doing the opposite: summer before freshman year, I wanted to go to EFY at BYU. I would miss my Girls Camp, but I didn't really care. It was Brigham Young University! I made all my plans, and then... Everytime I time I thought about it, I felt sick. But I WANTED IT! It was EFY! Isn't that a good thing? Well, after much turmoil, God won, and I ended up going to EFY in Virginia with some girlfriends of mine. One would not have gone if I had gone to BYU. She later said that her testimony was struggling, and that EFY is what strengthened her. It was one of those facepalm moments for me. Of course, Heavenly Father knows better than I do what I can do as an individual. I didn't save my friend. It was between her and her Father in Heaven. I just was a way of moving her to the place she needed to be.

I wish I could be submissive and humble all the time. I love being able to know what my Father would have me do and become. It's hard though. That's a reason why we're here - to work on self mastery.

I want to just say before I close that I am SO thankful to my Heavenly Father for, well, everything. I am grateful for the opportunities I have been given to learn and become more. Right now, I am extremely grateful for the fact that I have been given a blessing that I never would have imagined receiving now. (I feel kind of like I cheated the system. "AHAHAHAHA - I win.") In all seriousness, I really am grateful. Now, the real work begins. I get to enjoy the blessing, but I have to work to keep it. I am still just SO THANKFUL. I am so excited. You have no idea how excited I am. I love my Father in Heaven.

Wow. I am so lucky.

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