COMMUNICATION

You know how totally EASY it can be to just TELL someone how you feel? This, I believe, is one of the main problems with high school: people never just talk about their thoughts and feelings. I guess it's hard to be that self aware all the time, the outcome is uncertain, and the way things are may change. Still, isn't it better to clear the air and deal with the consequences than be frustrated longer than necessary? You never know how well they may take it. They may totally understand, and if they can't, then maybe it's better that you know things won't work out. If someone is worth the effort, they'll try their best to understand, as you should do too. It's easier to talk to someone than to let it simmer inside you.

World Travel.

I'm very sure ships could be sinking mid-way along kindly made glaciers. I never sway from eating little lunches because it upsets mom. Snakes yield other unfortunate attributes, even queasy bodily kinks. Girls always adore turkeys under the kiwi kayak. Pretty Indians sell new banging, blue buttons. Lice can't vex minor singers in brutally evil ticklish places. Ruling monarchs canNot stop jewel thieves. Buff guys hate eating non-cooked pancakes. Virginians go silly for golf. Can elephants pounce bouncy castles and undo party bags? Even lost toys attack many wilting military men needing cold strawberry slushies. Cool swag guys go before girls secret lovers' lies. Catching burning fires gets to be nasty 'cause every single person goes. Entreat doves' every sailing kind until days run circularly calling cool adoring rain. Angels never stop attending little sweet baby zebras zealously miracles till bravely retiring. Colors unite sails of ambrosia at midnight.

I'm Jordan, and Iraq, 'cause Iran to Afghanistan. <3


Where the Heck is Matt?

The View from the Floor: Valentine's Day?

Whew. What a world we live in. Normally, I like to take the world by storm, smacking back as quickly as it dishes stuff out. But, I've been missing my mojo. Sometimes it's good to feel like you got hit by a truck. (WHAT?!) It allows you time to examine things from the floor. It's a change of perspective. I've thought about pretty much everything you could think of. There are some good things that have come out of this short period.

Do you ever feel like you're close to someone, but they're so far away from you? Maybe literally, maybe not. It reminds me of a song lyric: "It's like we're at a distance/But close enough to whisper both our names/....It's like we're moving forward/But falling backwards playing games." (That's Magnetized by Days Difference) It's super annoying. There are reasons why you love people, and seeing them put up walls or push so much you feel defensive whenever they're around is just difficult.

Upside: I see what relationships are most worth my continued effort! It's sad to see some have to fall to the wayside, but it's what's best for both of us. I love those around me. A lot. I fight for people. There are some friends I have that I have weathered storm after storm for. They know I love them. I know they love me. I know people who I would literally die for. I mean that. If I could guarantee their happiness and safety in this life and the next, I would do it.

I know not everyone I feel this way about would do the same for me. I'm not a better person than them, I just love differently.

Valentine's Day is tomorrow, and I don't have huge expectations. I never have, and I won't in these high school years. It's not time yet. I don't expect flowers, or candy, or a card, or even a date. What I do expect is to be loved by my friends who I love so dearly. Unfortunately, I know not everyone will. There are people who have done what I spoke about above, taken my heart and bolted, or slowly walked away. I hope some of them will bring my heart back - I kind of need it.

Happy Valentine's Day to you! I love YOU. I thank you for reading my blog, and apologize for the random, more shallow posting I've been up to this month. I promise that I'm hitting my second wind.

Here is someone else who values the view from the floor. (AND they're Irish!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GemKqzILV4w&ob=av2e

Peace from the East,
S

Nostalgia

The other day, they were playing High School Musical on TV. I haven't heard or seen HSM for years. It was super exciting to see those "cool teenagers" I admired when I was eleven. Did you realize that the characters only 15 and 16 in the first two movies? Whoa. It was really funny to see my friends in the characters I used to see as so distant. Still, it's kind of weird to see something that I idolized when I was 12. (I'll admit it - I was a tweeny-bopper.)

Little did I know how true to life these movies would end up being. People called them "cheesey", which they totally are, but it's because every teenager could relate to one of the characters on the screen.

This got me thinking about Lizzie McGuire and Phil of the Future, listening to Avril Lavigne and Jesse McCartney. NOSTALGIA.

Lists of Likes

This week, my brother had to make two lists for his composition class; one of things he likes, and one of things he doesn't like. He inspired me to do the same. We'll start with things I don't like so we can end on a positive note.

Things I Dislike
-Being stood up
-Heavy metal music
-Being told my "time will come"
-Being treated as a child
-Violent movies (There's enough suffering in the world, why would we want to watch it for FUN?!)
-When people get on my mom's case for not doing enough (Who do you think you are? Try her life sometime, and then you'll stop.)
-Never getting a reply to a text, call, email, letter, etc.
-People living far away
-When people commit to something, and then bail last second
-Waiting a week for each Downton Abbey episode
-Turning in assignments late
-Girls who need every boy to like them
-Not having enough room on my corkboard for everything I want to put on it
-When Mutual is cancelled
-Not being able to dance as much as I'd like
-Abortion
-When people use other's misfortune to continue their political agendas
-Lust stories (Gross. Fo reals, yo.)
-Waking up early
-When people make fun of my brothers
-Poverty
-Not being able to help as much as I would like to
-Wondering if I'm good enough for something
-Those days when I'm tired of myself
-When people know the Gospel is true, and then succumb to the World
-Confrontation
-When people can't take hints
-Not having enough time to do everything I want to do

Things I Like
-American history
-Reading
-The smell of pumpkin bread
-Hugs
-Spending time with my family
-Watching movies with my friends
-Going on dates with some awesome guy friends
-Literature Class
-Downton Abbey
-Tap dancing
-Being on stage
-Owl City
-Photographs
-New York City
-Swings
-That first 50 of swim practice, when you feel totally graceful and powerful
-When people ask my opinion, and actually care
-BBC
-Reading my old journals
-C.S. Lewis
-The smell of vanilla
-Writing and receiving letters
-Broadway musicals
-Playing with kids
-Getting random "I think you're awesome" text messages
-Going my my friends' Eagle Scout courts of honor
-Seeing my friends leave on missions
-Setting goals
-Crossing goals off my list
-History in general
-Old thrillers (Perry Mason, Hawaii 5-O, Mission: Impossible)
-Disney movies
-Jane Austen
-Love stories
-Playing piano
-Singing at the top of my lungs
-Church dances
-Personal progress/honor bee program
-Seminary
-Prom dresses/getting dressed up
-Dancing in the rain
-The scriptures
-GENERAL CONFERENCE IS THE GREATEST THING EVER.
-Going to Cici's after a show
-EFY
-Dr. Seuss
-Sunshine
-Pretzel M&Ms
-Holidays
-Summertime
-England
-Shakespeare
-Priest/Laurel activities
-Louisa May Alcott
-Standing up for what I believe in
-Homeschooling
-Reading in front of the fireplace
-Bragging about the awesome things my friends accomplish
-Oranges
-Theatre Camp
-Discussions
-Panera Bread
-Travelling
-Learning about world culture
-Disney World
-Dreaming
-Going sledding with my friends
-Blogging :)

Whoa.

I had a moment today in which I was completely out of control. I was not in any position whatsoever to control what happened to me in that moment. I was in the hands of someone else, and I had to deal with it. I'm not a fan of those moments. I guess I can now relate to my mom when I drive. (Haha. Ha. ha.) Still, those moments come. We have to just take a breath and know that it'll be ok, and if it's not, we did something hard for us individually. Sometimes, we've got to let go and LIVE. It's hard. I like having things go my way. I like being in control. I know I probably come off sometimes as a stick in the mud, or as too intense, but it's because I want to avoid future regret. Valid, right? I obviously think so.

It's been scary for me to let myself form deep bonds with other people, because then I'm not in charge. There are more variables than I can control. But, you know what? It's been awesome. Sometimes, I've gotten hurt. I trust easily, and when I'm betrayed or mistreated, (which happens more than I'd like), it's harder for me to trust that person that easily again. Yet, I constantly find myself back where I started with some of these people. I think, "So-and-so has hurt me so many times before. They have used me and ignored me," but I end up forgiving and then getting hurt by the same person. Maybe I'm not vocal enough?? I'm not sure. But I love people. That's a good thing, right?

The reason it's been awesome is that as I lose control, I gain control. I am able to put my heart in someone else's hands, and then know how to respond if something happens. I'm trying my best to be able to discern who is trustworthy and who is not. I have been taught so many lessons by both types of these people.

(Let me clarify: losing control does not refer to control of my faculties or my behavior. One must always be able to make the best decisions and keep their high standards.)

So, basically, this super random ranting can be boiled down to two points:

1. Sometimes in life, we have to do scary things that deal with things and people bigger than ourselves, including what God wants us to do.

2. I'm still learning how to work with people when I do make myself vulnerable to them. I can't control what they do, but I can control how I respond.

I imagine driving down the road in the rain, and all of a sudden, the brakes lock up. "Jesus, take the wheel!" is the cry that goes up to Heaven. If you ask, he always will. You'll have several moments of uncertainty as you slide atop the pavement, but in the end, the Master is in charge - right where he belongs.