Note to the World: On Body Image

Hey girl. I hope you're doing well. Life may be pretty dang good right now. It may not be, but it will get better soon. I just wanted to send you a note to remind of you something important.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Maybe not in the way that other girls are. Maybe you aren't blonde with blue eyes. Maybe you aren't a size 4. Maybe you don't wear chevron with every outfit, or you don't own chunky jewelry. I know how some of you hate to wear lots of make-up, and other girls put on full foundation everyday. Maybe you are all of those things. Either way, I want you to know something.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE LIKE ANYONE.

You are beautiful. Your eyes may be deep and dark or light and sparkling, but they all know how to see when someone is suffering and how to help. Your hands may be little, but they can play the piano, hold a child's hand, write killer essays, paint a picture, and reach out to dear friends and family. Your skin tells a story of people who came before, and their struggles and successes are what made you. Wear their story proudly. Your body is healthy. You are able to hike, swim, dance, and do anything else you put your mind to. (Plus, you look adorable in that sweater. You know which one I'm talking about.) Or maybe you're struggling with an illness. If so, you shine through your struggles. You are who you are. I want you to know:

IT IS OKAY.

It is perfectly okay to be who you are. You should celebrate and utilize your strengths. Rejoice in your triumphs. Be aware of your weaknesses only so you can improve. Do not live in them. They do not define you. You are person with the pencil. You define yourself. Sometimes you'll make mistakes or not live up to who you want to be. Know this:

SOMEONE ELSE IS HOLDING THE ERASER.

You know exactly Who that Someone is. If you are unsatisfied with something about yourself, look to Him. He can help you change it. He gave you your body. He made you the way you are. He expects you to take care of that gift. He does not want you to misuse that gift in anyway. He wants you to love it as He loves it. Another thing:

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU.

As you develop your gifts and talents, that light inside of you will shine through your eyes. Treasure that. Other people do. They love your light, and they look forward to seeing it. I love you and your light. Don't ever think your light isn't enough. A spark is all it takes to break through the darkness. One day, maybe today, someone will realize that they can't live apart from your light. Don't do anything to dim your light. It's yours and you should wear it proudly, because:

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Credit to B. Simmons

"An Apology"; also titled "Year of Joy: Update 2"

I'm sorry I've been awful recently... I've had a lot of thoughts worth sharing - I just struggle with putting them in order of priority. I'm going to go ahead and jump right in with a YoJ update.

Well, We are already at month four of my Year of Joy. Crazy. Since my last post, I've taken the ACT and SAT twice each. I've gotten into the swing of school and theatre. Op: Positivity has continue to grow. College apps are happening. I went to my first and last high school homecoming. We performed in the Variety Show. I've had some trials and I've been blessed.

Remember what I wrote about in my first two YoJ posts? The stuff about work and rewards? Yeah. I am going to repeat myself. IT IS SO TRUE. I have been so enormously blessed for my hard work. Let me tell you - it was HARD work. It was difficult to force myself to do what I knew I needed to. Our equation for joy was:

WORK + PLAY + FAITH = JOY

I want to add something to it. It should look more like this:

WORK + PLAY + FAITH(HUMILITY) = JOY

(I have a feeling we will be adding to this formula throughout the year.) I've discovered that when I am working hard, I need to remember to say "Thy will be done, o Lord" while going through "my" plans. I have to realize that my plans aren't mine at all. God's plan for me is better than any plan I could make for myself. Whether it means not doing as well as you could on a test the first time or drifting apart from friendships, it's in God's hands. Being blunt, humility can suck. But it is much, MUCH worse if you are prideful and Heavenly Father has to teach you to be humble. Make a choice for this week to not only be grateful, but to be humble. If things aren't working out the way you want them to, don't stress - He's got it covered.

Oh, and here's a YoJ picture for you. Talk about joy! (Hayride/bonfire/barn dance with church kids.)

Good Company

A thought for the moment:

“My idea of good company...is the company of clever, well-informed people, who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company.'
'You are mistaken,' said he gently, 'that is not good company, that is the best.”
― Jane Austen, Persuasion

A Prayer from a Romantic.

As she lay there in bed, she wondered... What was it like to be in love? To fall in love? Was it a rush, like diving from the top of a tall building? Was it a warmth, like the kind that makes you want to close your eyes and drink it in? Was it an awakening, when suddenly the world is bright and the answers are clear? Maybe, she thought, I'll know one day. Maybe I'll be done waiting. Maybe I'll be done with the dangerous tightrope walk of finding love. In love. Falling in love. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's being brave enough to fling yourself from the tightrope. To fall. To fall in love. To sink into something real, something so sweet and pure that you want to drown in it - forever. Probably not perfect, but perfect enough. She began to drift into sleep. Maybe it's a shock. A moment of knowledge or feeling that overtakes every part of your body and soul. Soul. Two souls so in tune that they become one. One life, one purpose. "He's out there," she whispered to no one. Under the same sky. Cliche, maybe. But the vastness of the stars made her feel close to him. As dreams engulfed her, she murmured a sweet prayer for him, whoever he is.

Father, hear her prayer and the prayers of many others. Watch over future husbands everywhere so they may prepare themselves for the tender wives that are waiting for them.

A beautiful song titled Overjoyed by Matchbox Twenty puts her prayer into music in a way I could never. Enjoy.

The Sister Question

Those of you who know me well know that I have brothers, and no sisters. I am the only female child of my parents. I am also the oldest, so I got to hope each time one of the boys was born that I might FINALLY get a sister. Ehh... I love my brothers, and I wouldn't trade them for girls.

Still, I have sisters. How, you may ask? Friends, Young Women, and little ones. I have to say that it is an honor to be able to interact with these beautiful girls.

I can't say that I know exactly what it's like to have biological sisters - I don't. But, these girls give me purpose. I have to set an example of what a young lady is - graceful, classy, motivated, kindhearted, do-ers. This means that I have to work. I have to develop myself into what I know those girls can be. It is a challenge for me.

I learn what I can from the older girls. I watch them (and idolize them, actually). The way that they behave impacts me SO MUCH. I want to like the things they like, and act the way they act. I'll admit it - there are times when I change what I'm doing because of them. This is what little sisters do. I don't know if these older girls will ever know how much I look up to them.

It is interesting to be a girl in this world. It is hard being placed under constant pressure to be "hot" and "sexy," or "strong" and "independent," or "refined" and "flawless." Basically, to be perfect. This pressure from the World is a lot.

 

The Sisterhood is consistently under attack. It doesn't only make us insecure about ourselves, but it makes us competitive with one another. This should push us in the opposite direction. We should be hanging on even tighter to each other. We should gather to stand in opposition to the World's ideals. This gathering is happening. I've seen it occur over and over again. Every time a girl walks into a room, smiling and confident, dressed appropriately for the situation. Every time I see a girl sitting by herself be greeted by a group of friends. Every time a young woman decides to dedicate herself to her education for self-betterment and the ability to serve others and educate her children. Every time a girl decides to work towards what "real woman" is: kind, virtuous, educated,  confident, classy, willing to love and serve, with "deep beauty" reflected on her face. (Check out "A Beauty Secret from a Boy" to learn what "deep beauty" is.) As we help one another become this kind of person, the Sisterhood is strengthened.

There is nothing so fulfilling as hearing a young woman you love and admire say "You're like a sister to me." Thank you for letting me be a small part of your life. Thank you for giving me the great honor of having you in my life. Thank you for your remarkable example. I love you!

A Girl's Guide to Dating (GDD: Part 2)

Back to the dating series! (I'm starting with the girls, but guys, you may want to read this too.) I know I say that proper dating begins when a young man takes initiative and asks a girl out, but, ladies, there has been some not-so-great dating going on on our part too. I'm going to break things down and give you just a few guidelines to help you out.

1. Accepting and Declining.
So, a boy asked you out. How do you feel? Excited? Flattered? Anxious? Repulsed? Confused? Maybe you feel a mixture of these emotions. That's okay. It may be very new to you. It can be intimidating. You may not have been expecting it at all! You have approximately 4.3 seconds to come up with your answer. (I just made up that number.) What do you say?!

Say yes. Unless you have a valid reason to decline, (which we will discuss below) you should pretty much always say yes. Ask him then what the plan is - what day, if he's driving or you're meeting somewhere, what the activity is (so you know how to dress), who else may be there, etc.

To accept, say something along the lines of "Thanks so much for asking, Tom! I'd love to! What is the plan?"

Invalid reasons for declining:
- You don't like him "like that."
- He's "just a friend."
- He's too awkward.
- You don't want to date him.
- You think he's joking.
- You don't want to be in a "relationship."
             If you don't know why these are invalid reasons, please refer to "The Great Dating Dilemma - Part 1"

Reasons why you may decline:
- You have prior plans.
- You're grounded.
                   If either of these are the case, say "Thank you so much for asking, Tom, but I can't go out that day. Is there another time that you'd like to go out?" and continue to arrange other plans. If you say "I'm busy," guys will assume that you don't want to go out and NEVER ASK YOU AGAIN. Seriously.

- You already have a date. (In the case of dances and such.)
                 Again, thank him for his invitation. Apologize that you can't go with him, and ask him if he'd like to go out some other time. He may not get his prom photos with you, but you can still have fun together another day.

- Going on a date with him would make you feel unsafe.
                I'm serious about this one. If a boy makes you worry about your physical or spiritual well being, just decline. Thank him for his invitation, and tell him you cannot go. Do not make up an excuse about being out of town or something. Just say you can't go that evening or that your parents don't want you going to that party or concert. i.e. "Thanks for thinking of me, Jeff, and I'm flattered, but I can't go to that concert - it's past my curfew."

- He's your best friend's ex-boyfriend. (This one I think is a valid reason. Don't break the Sister Code.)
               If he asks you out, give him a look. That's all you need to do. If you choose to accept, go for it. High school shouldn't be super intense anyway. These things are always more complicated than they should be.

- Your parents do not want you to be out with him.
               Go ahead and blame it on your parents. Thank him, of course, but say that your parents don't want you going. It's not your fault, and there is nothing wrong with letting him know that.

- He is actually repulsive. (i.e. Doesn't shower or do laundry, coughs all over you, eats like a pig, and doesn't brush his teeth.)
               I'm reasonable.

If you are uncomfortable being alone with him, but want to be kind and accept, ask him then who you will be doubling with. That brings up the subject without being rude or pushy. i.e. "Thanks for asking me out, Tom! I'm excited! Who are we doubling with? I have a friend who I know could get a date."


2. Preparing.
Make sure you know what the plan is. Nothing is worse that getting somewhere and realizing that you are dressed totally inappropriately for the activity. Also, your parents will be more comfortable letting you go if you say, "Tom and I are going to the park for a picnic. I'll let you know if anything changes," than if you say, "I'm going out with Tom. See you later tonight!" Besides, if you know the plan, you will have less awkwardness milling around than if you didn't have an activity planned.

3. The Date.
 Once you're there, remember: you are on a date with this young man. It is your job to keep your full attention on him. Do not text your friends, do not check out other guys, do not act like you wish you were anywhere but there. If it's a double or a group, do not spend the whole night chatting with your girlfriends. They didn't ask you out. He did. Have fun! Don't worry too much about what he's doing, or what he meant by that remark - most of the time, he meant exactly what he said. Just relax. He's your friend already. Take this as an opportunity to get to know him better. Is he different in a one-on-one conversation than he is when he's part of the crew "hanging out?" Does he have a dream or hobby that surprises you? Probably. Just talk. I can't say this enough: HAVE FUN. That's what dating is for.

Paying: If he asked you out, expect him to pay. If you asked him out, be prepared to pay, but accept if he offers. Allow him to be the gentleman he has the potential to be.
4. Afterwards.
Once he drops you off, or you turn to leave, give him a hug and thank him once again for asking you and giving you an excellent evening. If it's awkward and the rest of your group is there, thank him in person, but also send a text or a message saying once again how much fun you had. The next time you see him, act totally normal. PLEASE don't be one of those girls who think that everything is going to change because you went on a date with this boy. Just be chill. Don't be offended if he doesn't ask you out again right way. It's nothing personal. He just, like you, wants to get to know all sorts of people.


Ok. So, what if you like him?

First, accept politely as stated above.

Secondly, get home, go to your room, shut the door, and have a little jam session. Just jump around and be excited. HE ASKED YOU OUT! There is absolutely nothing wrong with celebrating.

Third, keep in mind the reality of the situation: you are young, he is young. You don't need seriousness right now. The goals are friendship and fun times.

If you have a boy who you like, and he likes you as well, then you are a lucky one, aren't you? Don't feel like you can only go on first dates. You can go on more than one, two, three dates with the same person without being in a "relationship." You could hold hands and be cute without "long-term commitment." I may sound like a terrible person, but this is realistic. Do not try to pull a boy into a "relationship" right now. It makes things messy. Take this time to learn the basics of dating so you don't screw things up when you start looking into marriage. Most young women, as wonderful as they are, don't know how to say yes or no to a date, let alone know how to handle the ups and downs of a "relationship." Just make sure that you are on the same page as your "Tom".

Dating is complicated, with many variables. It would be impossible for me to cover every scenario or situation that could occur. I hope that you ladies find this helpful (and maybe some of you guys find it insightful). Dating is complicated, yes, but it is also wonderful. It is so much fun! Spending time with a good friend is and should be fantastic.

Think about it.

Questions or comments? Please send me a message or comment below! I'd love to hear your opinion.

A Beauty Secret from a Boy

I had an experience the other day. I was sitting there, talking to one of my guy friends, and he suddenly said something that surprised me. He said, "(Name of girl) is getting less pretty." It came out of nowhere. This guy is one of the sweetest young men I know. Plus, he was talking about a girl who I think is very pretty. I've often wished that I looked more like her. Now, when I responded with a startled "What?", he explained. "Her countenance. Her countenance has totally changed. She used to be a pretty good-looking girl, but she's changed. Countenance is at least 20% of a girl's attractiveness."

Wow. This was coming from a young man I totally respect. He has high standards and is a good example to me. His opinion is one I value. Countenance is at least a FIFTH of a girl's attractiveness?! Dude. This isn't something that I read in a book or heard in a conference talk. This is something that was said to me by a worthy priesthood holder. If that isn't enough reason to carry yourself with confidence, than I'm not sure what else you need.

What is this "countenance?" Dictionary.com says that a countenance is "someone's face or expression." In Mormonland, it means something more along the lines of "spirit" or (I hate to say it) "aura". We believe that every single person is born with the "light of Christ", or what the world calls a "conscience" or "moral compass". It's a guide to prompt people do the things that are right. By the actions we take, we can either brighten or dull the light of Christ within each of us. (P.S. The Holy Spirit is a constant companion to those who have entered into a covenant with Christ, not to be confused with the light of Christ.) When you see someone who has done something good or joyful, people may describe their looks as "glowing". THAT's their countenance.

Simply put, you can see someone's spiritual health in their countenance. It's that light in their eye and the sparkle in their easy smile. Of course, that doesn't mean we should go around judging people by how glittery their eyes are. You can tell when someone is happy and following the commandments of God. My friend is one of these people who is trying his best to do what he needs to. He is a teenage boy, so of course physical beauty is a factor in a girl's attractiveness, as well as how fun the person is, and how well they can actually converse. But at LEAST a fifth of a girl's attractiveness is what Sister Dalton calls "deep beauty".

"I was reminded of my divine identity, and I learned about what I now call “deep beauty”—the kind of beauty that shines from the inside out. It is the kind of beauty that cannot be painted on, surgically created, or purchased. It is the kind of beauty that doesn’t wash off. It is spiritual attractiveness. Deep beauty springs from virtue. It is the beauty of being chaste and morally clean. It is the kind of beauty that you see in the eyes of virtuous women like your mother and grandmother. It is a beauty that is earned through faith, repentance, and honoring covenants."

Wow! As young women, we are always told to look for a worthy priesthood holder, a spiritual partner, for a husband. We want a husband who can see our deep beauty, because that means he loves us for all of us, inside and out, what we are and who we can become. In order to attract that kind of boy, we have to do the things listed by Sister Dalton. She continues:

"The world places so much emphasis on physical attractiveness and would have you believe that you are to look like the elusive model on the cover of a magazine. The Lord would tell you that you are each uniquely beautiful. When you are virtuous, chaste, and morally clean, your inner beauty glows in your eyes and in your face. My grandfather used to say, “If you live close to God and His infinite grace—you won’t have to tell, it will show in your face.” When you are worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost, you are confident and your inner beauty shines brightly. And so “let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and … the Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion.”

There's our countenance we were talking about. It's true what they say about inner beauty. Your potential is divine and royal. Those young men whom you wish to spend time with will recognize that, and help you develop it. You, in return, will be a motivation and support for their development. They will agree with Sister Dalton when she said:

"Develop deep beauty. There is no more beautiful sight than a young woman who glows with the light of the Spirit, who is confident and courageous because she is virtuous."

Click HERE for a great video using a lot of the quotes I used, as well as a link to the full talk.

Think about it.


(Credit where credit is due: Elaine S. Dalton "Remember Who You Are!" April 2010. And of course, to my wonderful friend who inspired me to write this piece. Thanks, kiddo.)