On a Swing At Dusk

(NOTE: I wrote this last summer. Some of you who have been with my writing for a while may remember this. I just felt like I should share this again. The lessons I learned that night are still vital to me now. I'm still a kite, but I hope that one day, I can be the plane I long to be.)

"On a Swing At Dusk" - 6/2/11

 Swinging on a swing at dusk, just thinking.

                Wow. I can’t believe everything that’s going on. I can’t believe that people have wronged me like this. I never imagined that I would be in this situation. I’ve just been numb. I’m through being angry. Sad. Confused. Lost. No more. Just numb. I need to leave it behind.

 I feel the breeze through my hair.

                I know my hair is a mess, but I don’t care. It’s just me, the wind, and the sky. The wind whispers consoling words. The sky beckons me into its arms. Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to let go of my swing and fly. But not today.

I see the sun set behind the rooftops.

                The colors draw me higher and higher. I know that the ground is just inches from my toes as I pass, but I feel weightless as I soar. I feel my worries pull me down, and I fight to break through.

I watch a plane fly high above me.

                I envy that plane. It has the strength to leave the ground. It has flown through thunder and snow. It has crossed oceans and continents. It is my role model.

I notice a kite flying and falling.

                I am not a plane yet. I am a kite. I fly. I taste the wind. I hear the sunset. I feel the silence. But I fall. I soar high, but sometimes I fall. It hurts, and I yearn to fly again. I can’t always do it on my own. But there is always someone to run alongside me and throw me to the wind. Thank you. I explore the feeling of flight, and all that comes with it, including falling. It is worth it.

I look up at the clouds.

                God is there. He made this all. The sky and wind and clouds and colors….the ground. He made the potential. He made the starting point. He knows me. He knows my limitations. He knows my potential. He knows my desires. He gave me my righteous desires. He knows my need to climb. To grow. To learn. To dance. ….To soar. He gives me strength to get up and break through gravity. Through low expectations. Through trials. Through fears. Through this.

I close my eyes and look inside.

Wow. I’m not numb anymore. I have a new feeling. It’s not anger. Not disappointment. Not sadness. Not self-pity. What am I feeling? It’s peace. It’s a love of God. It’s a love from God. It’s a courage for the future. It’s a new understanding. I left it all behind. I let it all go. I’m sky-high.  I’m elevated. I’m soaring. I’m free.

Swinging on a swing at dusk.