Whew. What a world we live in. Normally, I like to take the world by storm, smacking back as quickly as it dishes stuff out. But, I've been missing my mojo. Sometimes it's good to feel like you got hit by a truck. (WHAT?!) It allows you time to examine things from the floor. It's a change of perspective. I've thought about pretty much everything you could think of. There are some good things that have come out of this short period.
Do you ever feel like you're close to someone, but they're so far away from you? Maybe literally, maybe not. It reminds me of a song lyric: "It's like we're at a distance/But close enough to whisper both our names/....It's like we're moving forward/But falling backwards playing games." (That's Magnetized by Days Difference) It's super annoying. There are reasons why you love people, and seeing them put up walls or push so much you feel defensive whenever they're around is just difficult.
Upside: I see what relationships are most worth my continued effort! It's sad to see some have to fall to the wayside, but it's what's best for both of us. I love those around me. A lot. I fight for people. There are some friends I have that I have weathered storm after storm for. They know I love them. I know they love me. I know people who I would literally die for. I mean that. If I could guarantee their happiness and safety in this life and the next, I would do it.
I know not everyone I feel this way about would do the same for me. I'm not a better person than them, I just love differently.
Valentine's Day is tomorrow, and I don't have huge expectations. I never have, and I won't in these high school years. It's not time yet. I don't expect flowers, or candy, or a card, or even a date. What I do expect is to be loved by my friends who I love so dearly. Unfortunately, I know not everyone will. There are people who have done what I spoke about above, taken my heart and bolted, or slowly walked away. I hope some of them will bring my heart back - I kind of need it.
Happy Valentine's Day to you! I love YOU. I thank you for reading my blog, and apologize for the random, more shallow posting I've been up to this month. I promise that I'm hitting my second wind.
Here is someone else who values the view from the floor. (AND they're Irish!)
Peace from the East,